The Self Care Trap: Why ‘Looking After Yourself’ Feels Like Another Job

The Self Care Trap: Why ‘Looking After Yourself’ Feels Like Another Job

Last week, we explored how leadership energy impacts your team. But what happens when you’re the one running on empty?

It’s something I see all the time – senior leaders telling others to take care of themselves while quietly burning out behind the scenes.

The pressure to hold everything together. To keep going. To stay strong. But here’s the truth: if your energy is constantly drained, what are you really leading with?

What Self Care Should Be

You’ve seen the posts – the bubble baths, the candles, the tea. And while I’m all for a good soak and a bar of dark chocolate, that’s not what real self care is.

The problem? Most self care messaging is surface level. It focuses on easing symptoms, not addressing causes.

P

When I worked in corporate, I saw it often. Teams encouraged to “look after themselves” while juggling impossible deadlines and packed calendars. Like handing someone an umbrella in a hurricane and saying, “Stay dry.”

We don’t need fluff. We need foundations.

What Real Self Care Actually Looks Like

1. Setting Boundaries – Protect Your Energy

As a former people pleaser, I said yes far too often. It looked like team spirit. But really? It left me drained and ineffective.

Boundaries aren’t barriers. They’re protection. Not just for you, but for your team too.

2. Asking for Help – You’re Not a Lone Wolf

There’s no medal for burnout.

Delegating, admitting when you’re struggling, leaning on others – it’s not weakness, it’s leadership. When you model that it’s okay to rest, your team will believe it’s safe to do the same.

3. Listening to Your Body – The Small Stuff Matters

Self care is sometimes as basic as:

• Going to bed instead of doom scrolling

• Eating a proper meal instead of another coffee

• Taking a breath before powering into another task

These aren’t indulgences. They’re interventions.

4. Checking Your Workload – Fix the Root Cause

Mindfulness apps won’t solve systemic burnout. Real care means asking hard questions:

• Is this workload sustainable?

• Are we rewarding performance, or punishing capacity?

• Are we designing ways of working that actually work?

Because yoga won’t fix a culture that’s breaking people.

Why This Matters – Especially for Leaders

If you reduce self care to spa days and scented candles, you miss the point.

It’s not about escaping stress for a moment. It’s about creating a work life that doesn’t overwhelm you in the first place.

And for leaders? This goes even deeper.

Your wellbeing sets the tone for your team’s. That means:

✔ Reviewing workload and expectations

✔ Challenging outdated norms that glorify burnout

✔ Recognising effort, not just end results

✔ Being honest about your limits, so others feel safe to share theirs too

It Starts From the Top

Self care is a leadership act. Not just something you do for yourself, but something you model for others. Because culture is contagious.

If you don’t honour your limits, no one else will feel safe to honour theirs either.

What’s One Small Way You Can Support Yourself This Week?

Not sure where to start?

Start here.

The Energy Audit

A free 30-minute reset for leaders who want to lead well without running on empty. Real reflection. No fluff. Just insight, support, and the space to recalibrate.

➡ Book your Energy Audit here➡ Visit Kuutch

PS: If this resonated, subscribe to Work, Life, and Wellbeing for honest reflections, practical tips, and a fresh approach to leadership and energy.